I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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