do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
