he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
