well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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