This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
