before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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