I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
