I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
