How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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