the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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