Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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