no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
