the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My bed smells like the plague
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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