I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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