she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
