the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
