What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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