i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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