My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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