3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
