i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
