I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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