Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
