It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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