He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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