I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
