I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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