Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
