well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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