friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
