So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
