theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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