He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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