So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
