he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
