you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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