Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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