someone threw a dead crab at me
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
