not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Are we still banned from the library?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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