Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
