once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
