none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize