when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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