why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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