now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
