oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
