we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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