happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
