so explain again why im purple
no
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
