They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
