I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize