You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
