batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
