I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
