My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
