dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
