yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
