I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize