she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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