fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
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