Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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