Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
