She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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