tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
